Ok so here’s another one of those posts where I’m kind of embarrassed but then I remember that when I decided to make my journey public, I committed to the good the bad and the ugly. Well in this case, fat. So I just had channel 4 feature my story about writing my book and my battle with mental illness (screen shot from video pictured above). Proud moment. And it certainly is. I’m very proud of myself. However, it’s slightly shrouded in my shame of the weight I gained over the pandemic (30 lbs). I’ve struggled with my weight and eating disorders my whole life and it’s just something I have yet to get control of. My problem now is trying to love myself for who I am and what I look like now while trying to lose the weight. Ever since watching the news feature I’ve felt kind of gross in my own skin. I got off all my dating sites and told myself I wouldn’t get back on until I lost the weight. For my own health, I need to lose weight. I know that. But how do you fully love yourself when you’re so consumed by what you look like on the outside? I know I’m kind of rambling but I know I’m not the only one with body image issues and that’s why I’m throwing this out there. Once again talking about something no one wants to or is too ashamed to talk about. I guess you can call me your emotional martyr lol Maybe you have some advice or encouraging words for me. Maybe I helped to validate those of you who experience the same feelings. We’re not alone. There’s more to us than our bodies. And I will work on loving myself at any weight. Have a good night, everyone
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From the moment we’re born female, we’re doomed to try to be perfect in every way. It’s a sad society that only wants to know your outside (your shell) that carries around amazing things. As women, we should support each other, not knock each other down just because someone has on a cuter pair of shoes. When are our insides going to be judged as equally as the body that carries them around? I admire your positive attitude.
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